The Hos of Hogwarts
by Debho
Summary: Hermione finds a mysterious fluffy pink book in her possession one night, and before she knows it, four muggles want her to join them in their hyper perversion and insanity.


THE HOS OF HOGWARTS  
  
DISCLAIMER Harry Potter is not my story. It's J.K. Rowling's. The odd little plot, and the co-hos are mine. The rest belongs to her.  
  
The Fluffy Pink Book  
  
In a rush to reach the Gryffindor common room before curfew, Hermione leapt through the door and ran right into Ron and Harry, who were trying to leave right before curfew and go scout out various hidden passageways revealed by the Marauders' Map.  
  
"What are you doing, going out at this time of night?" Hermione scolded.  
  
"We're BORED! Oh, come ON 'Mione! Time to take a break from studying! I mean, LOOK at all those books you're carrying around!!! Let's face it: you're a boffin through and through. A genuine, certified manky twit of a boffin! Do something rebellious! Come on!" pleaded Ron.  
  
"No. Absolutely not. It's breaking the rules. We could get into trouble! Besides, I have these books to read!"  
  
"Come on, Ron. She's not coming," Harry sighed. "You know her better than that. Let's get a move on! The Map says that Filch is headed this direction."  
  
Shuddering at the thought, Ron and Harry slipped out of the door and out of sight. Hermione slumped back into a large armchair and took a look at the books she had borrowed from the library.  
  
"Let's see... where to begin?" she pondered. "The Least-Known Greatest Wizards of the 14th Century, 100 Things To Do With A Flobberworm, Self-Love for the Different Witch, or... hold on.... What is this?"  
  
Hermione pulled from the stack a small, fuzzy pink journal with a symbol on the front that resembled a muggle Playboy bunny. She was very confused. How did that get in there? Quickly, she scanned the room for onlookers. The common room was empty. She opened the book. The inside was blank. "Oh, NOT AGAIN!!" she thought. She knew that she should probably leave it alone – nothing sensible can come out of a pink, fluffy journal – but she was still stung by Harry and Ron's comments, and jealous of their lackadaisical fun. Looking around the room to make sure that she was certainly 100% alone, she took out a quill and wrote "Hi. My name is Hermione" on the page. The paper absorbed the ink. Hermione stared in anticipation.  
  
"Hello, Ho!" appeared on the page in sparkly fuchsia lettering.  
  
With a quizzical look on her face, Hermione wrote "Excuse me, but it's Hermione...."  
  
"Hello, Ho!"  
  
"Hermione"  
  
"Ho"  
  
"OMG! You are SO ANNOYING! HERMIONE! H-E-R-M-I-O-N-E!!!!"  
  
"H-O! H-O! HOHOHOHOHOHOHO!!!!"  
  
Frustrated, Hermione slammed the book shut and threw it against the wall. What was its problem? Stupid little fluffy pink book. She glared at it with immense loathing.  
  
After five minutes of giving an inanimate object her most hateful, evil glare, she picked it back up and slammed it back on the table in front of her. She flicked it open with disgust.  
  
"HO!"  
  
Sigh  
  
"That wasn't very nice!" the book scolded.  
  
Somehow, Hermione was surprised that the book expressed emotion. She had figured it was a mere joke book designed to simply call everyone a ho. Hesitantly, she picked her quill back up.  
  
"Sorry...."  
  
"That's ok - Jump on in!"  
  
"...No."  
  
"How about we jump out then?"  
  
"That's not how it works...."  
  
"How what works?"  
  
"This whole charmed journal thing."  
  
"...Do you always live by the rules?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"That's it. I'm coming out."  
  
The pages of the journal fluttered violently as glitter came pouring out of it, covering Hermione from head to foot with evil sparkles of doom. Suddenly, a girl of about 17 was standing next to her.  
  
"Hello, ho!" she said.  
  
"It's HERMIONE!!!!!"  
  
"Yeah... ok. I now dub thee Homione!"  
  
"ExCUSE ME?!?!"  
  
"Homione. Nice ring to it, eh guys?"  
  
Hermione spun around and found that there were three other teenaged girls standing behind her, nodding in amused agreement.  
  
"Who are you?" Hermione demanded, indignantly.  
  
"Why, we are the co-hos of course!" responded the first girl. "I'm Debho. Nice to meet you. That's Lindho, Crisco, and Injette."  
  
"...Right.... How about you go back into your little fluffy book thing and I wake up from this dream I'm having?"  
  
"No can do. You need to lighten up. You're one of us now, Homione!"  
  
The shortest of the four then scuttled up to Debho, squealing, "Let's go find Ron and make him a ho too! Oh, can we? Can we? Can we? Please? PLLLLEEEEASSSEE???" Everyone stared at the short co-ho called Injette, a little stunned by such a hyper portrayal of what caffeine, sugar, and sleep-deprivation can do to one's mind. The one called Lindho then ran over to the little Injette and glomped her for being so cute.  
  
Crisco remained still, staring at the wall in disbelief that she was in Hogwarts. She was beyond communication. Beyond actually taking in her surroundings. She was in her own world of wonderment and awe, staring blankly at a Hogwarts wall.  
  
Debho gave Hermione an apologetic look, then gathered her companions, snapping each one out of their own little worlds in turn. 


End file.
